So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
