I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
