my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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