Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
