I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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