Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
