There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
