Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
