Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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