For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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