I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
