i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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