dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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