she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Someone came in the potted fern
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
