Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
