just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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