Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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