Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I touched a dick in church today
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
