There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
