what day is it and did you see me today?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
