so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
jump out the window naked night went bad
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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