You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
