Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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