I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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