Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
