he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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