we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am spending my child support on dildos
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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