I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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