You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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