i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
