Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
