the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
