"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Don't make out with my wife yet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
