we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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