i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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