dude i'm inner monologue high
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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