Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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