she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
