waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
