i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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