I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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