'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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