so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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