No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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