Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
