I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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