I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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