just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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