It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
