You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
